Apr 23 2007
Pizza
Dear Maestro,
My wife has a new job and travels a lot and she’s in Toronto right now and I felt too lazy to prepare a fresh meal myself. So I bought one of your Wood-fired pizzas that come in a giant box with a saliva-inducing picture.
I don’t know why I keep buying you pizzas because they never look and taste as good as on your packaging. I know you say “suggested serving” on the packaging, but I thought that only meant that I don’t have the wood-fired oven with its licking flames in the background. I should have known better, it means that instead of spreading the topping on the whole pizza, you just put a tiny drop of onions, cheese and dried tomatoes in the middle, and expect that gravity and the heat of the oven does the rest. Well, gravitational forces are strong in my house, but they can’t make up for a lack of matter.
I basically grew up on those pre-made pizzas, like every student in the Netherlands that lives alone does. So I can call myself an expert in the field. But not only are the store-bought pizzas much cheaper in my home country, they also are of much better quality. And don’t tell me that is because it’s closer to Italy and you can’t find the same quality ingredients here, maestro, because I don’t buy that argument.
So maestro, yet again I’m very disappointed in your offerings. I’m even tempted to call the toll-free number on the back of the box and tell you I’m not 100% satisfied. Not 100% satisfied? I’m not even 50% satisfied.
Yes, the mix of dough and cheese you put in your box, in no way bearing any resemblance to the glorious picture, filled me, but it didn’t taste very good and certainly didn’t live up to my expectations.
Maestro, I bet you aren’t even a real Italian, because I’m sure every real Italian would be seriously ashamed of this item you dare to call “pizza”. I almost would suggest that you crawl into that wood-fired oven of you (that probably consists of an electrically heated conveyor belt with a sprinkling of charcoal) and check out if your own fat melts as well as the cheese on this cardboard semicircle. But I won’t, because it would be too cruel for your underpaid factory workers to endure that sight.
So I’ll do what I should have done in the first place, and never again will buy one of your products. That’ll teach you.
Sincerely.
mare
(I’m hungry again)
Friday, 27 April, 2007 @ 19:16
i usually go for the dr oetker ones.. they are alright… but yea.. nothing beats a real pizza.
Saturday, 28 April, 2007 @ 10:16
You should try those Stromboli pizza’s. They are small and probably cost more, but I have to say they are THE BEST thin crust pizza I have had in Montréal. They actually reminded me of the take out pizzas in France. I’m not sure if they are available everywhere, but we get them at the local IGA. If you can’t find them, I’ll smuggle some onto the island.
Saturday, 28 April, 2007 @ 11:21
@ Christelle
In holland I ate the Dr. Oetker pizzas a lot. Mainly because they were really cheap, less than 2 dollars. And Dr, Oetker is definitely not faking he’s Italian, just faking he’s a real doctor.
@ Frank
I know the Stromboli pizzas, they’re made locally and they are available in my neighbourhood supermarket around the corner. But they are sooo tiny, and I’m not on a diet like you :-)
But they taste better, I agree.
Saturday, 28 April, 2007 @ 21:48
I rarely admit it, but I do go for the occasional frozen pizza. Most are very very bad, like the one you describe (although it looks like you took a bite out of the crust before it even went in the oven).
About two years ago, Loblaw’s carried a type of frozen pizza that was actually decent. It came in only one or two varieties, and was not made by one of the big food corporations. But then, after a year, they just vanished. (I don’t remember what they were called.)
Despite my general disdain for big corporate factory food, the McCain Rising Crust ones are passable. At least you don’t feel so ripped off, with that big crust and all.
Sunday, 29 April, 2007 @ 18:12
O, I love those confessions. Keep them coming.
No, I didn’t take a bite of frozen pizza. I was hungry, but not that hungry. I guess it fell of when the pizza was moving around in that hugely oversized box.
Monday, 30 April, 2007 @ 13:49
I’m rather partial to Metro pizza. There’s a nice rise on the dough, cooks well, less salt and less costly than McCain.
Wednesday, 2 May, 2007 @ 07:12
There was a time I was rather fond of takeaway Gorgonzola Calzones. Sadly, they don’t make them anymore…
Thursday, 3 May, 2007 @ 19:28
Hey Marc,
you seen this one about tech support in the middle ages? In Danish I think.
https://www.devilducky.com/media/57946/
Saturday, 5 May, 2007 @ 01:27
If there is a bottom to the microwaveable pizza abyss, I found it years ago. In high school, I ate nothing but McCain Pizza Pockets. Hawaiian flavour. Can those even properly be called food? I’m not sure.
Monday, 10 September, 2007 @ 14:25
in plaats van dit te schrijven had je ook zelf een pizza kunnen bakken!