Dec 11 2006

Dragon

dragon

I’m writing this sitting next to her bed with my laptop (but no internet connection here). She looks slightly better than yesterday. She is attentive, although she doesn’t remember anything from yesterday, not even that I was there. And neither that there were plenty of other visitors.
Her lungs are still full of slime, and she can’t get rid of it. Even though they tried to let her breathe without oxygen this morning she’s now wears an oxygen mask again because her saturation levels dropped too low. On the photo above she gets a dose of drugs that is sprayed into her mask, so it looks like she’s a fire breathing dragon.
The staff told us they want her transferred to another, ‘normal’ bed in the next couple of days. Intensive care beds are in dire need, here as well as in Canada. She probably can’t go back to her room in the resting home she was in the last couple of years. They simply can’t provide enough care and don’t have enough staff.

I just had a short conversation with her about dying. She’s not afraid, but very insecure. What happens when she’s dead? Nobody knows, but she’s concerned that it isn’t a good place. I couldn’t comfort her, since I don’t know either. She thinks that her life can end every hour, and didn’t believe me when I told her that was unlikely. But she’s ready for it and hopes it doesn’t take too long. Unfortunately for her her body is used to fight and might not grant her wish. Yes, even though this is the Netherlands, active euthanasia is not yet considered. But they won’t intubate her or restart her heart if it stops.

By • english •